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Opening of the 2007 Youth Parliament

John Hartevelt, at Parliament.

“You all look dour and boring.” That was the welcome the 121 Youth MPs meeting at Parliament last night were offered by Minister of Māori Affairs Parekura Horomia.

It was one of those winning Horomia moments. You almost wanted to force the words back into that hole on his ample face just as soon as they came out. Of course, you couldn’t help but revel in it, and thank God something remotely interesting - or at least amusing - had happened.

Horomia’s trademark clangor was one of the only moments the English language was heard during the mandatory powhiri greeting for Youth Parliament 2007. Sadly, little more than five people seated at the front of Parliament’s Grand Hall could snigger along when an affable Te Ururoa Flavell shared his thoughts on whatever it was he was thinking. Perhaps he was scorning us all. He, and the three others who spoke in Te Reo all seemed to mention Speaker Margaret Wilson’s name. Maybe they were taking the chance to have a go at her.

All the Māori chit chat left the interpreter of New Zealand’s third official language hopelessly redundant. The sign language guy could only stand to one side of the hall, like a stunned mullet, occasionally sharing some (possibly irrelevant, possibly humorous) thought with the one deaf MP in the ranks of the fifth Youth Parliament.

Never mind the communication break down. It can surely only get more comprehensible from here on in. The young hopefuls are positively bursting for their shot at the big time. The fellas are strutting their best Duncan Garner pinstripes and bright ties, and the ladies shrieking nervously as they make their initial efforts to work the room during the first of many “mix-and-mingle” sessions.

A beaming Darren Hughes was there - Mr Youth Parliament himself. Also well represented were the Greens, with co-leader Jeanette Fitzsimons joined by Metiria Turei and Keith Locke. Fitzsimons is being represented by Zoe Donald - daughter of the late Green Party co-leader Rod Donald.

One gets the feeling the Greens are going to enjoy this three-day talk-fest. The Youth MPs will vote on a bill that proposes domestic carbon accounts be set up and tax credits given to those who are especially frugal with their carbon emissions. It’s a patently ridiculous bill with gaping holes all over the place. But with this particular exercise, one suspects the Ministry of Youth Development have got the final day press releases already written: “Young politicians demand action on climate change” - or words to that effect.

If you hear reports of a young bespectacled journalist threatening to jump from the breaches of the gallery in despair at the contrived nature of Youth Parliament 2007 - don’t be surprised. That’ll be me, dying slowly.