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Please note: The Pulse Te Auaha and Doctor G have previously referred readers to the 198 Youth Health Centre.

This service no longer operates, but 198 Youth Health Centre counsellors now work from Waipuna Trust, 349 Woodham Road, Christchurch.
Phone 386 2159 to make an appointment. They provide a youth support service.

Find more local youth health and social services from Webhealth Canterbury.

Dr G answers your questions about family

If i have a child and i still wanna follow my dream? what do i do??? do i still go after it or just let it go and focus on my son???
Dr G replies,
Research shows that the more education a mother has the better long term life her children have. So if it's education you want to continue with, then go for it. There are lots of opportunities to balance childcare and your own goals. There must be a way to develop your dream and care for your son. You will need hunt out ways to do both. Be persistent, research agencies that offer help, talk to Youthline on 0800 37 66 33, call a Youth Health Centre like WAYS on 09 837 4306. Good luck, you deserve to succeed.
every time i see my uncles girlfriend she does not speak. Also says some rude stuff to me what am i gonna do? Isabell
Dr G replies,
Dear Isabell,
Wow, that’s not on. Maybe the best thing you can is to keep out of her way and hope your uncle sees sense soon and dumps her. If that’s not likely perhaps you could talk to someone about it, like your mum or a friend. Being rude back to her or talking to your uncle (if he is madly in love with her) probably won’t work. Remember that it is her problem, not yours, if she chooses to be rude or play games of not talking.
My mum hates me. We had an argument about our screwed up family. But it wasn't just me, both my older sisters were backing me up. We argued about a lot of things in our family, including mums new boy friend who is moving in soon. One of my sisters told her that she didn't like the idea of him moving in because he thinks he will be a new "father figure". None of us want one. But anyway, she only seems to be blaming me for the whole argument. She will not look or talk to me and all she says when I try to talk to her is to go away. She hates me. What do I do? Kate
Dr G replies:
Dear Kate, I’m sorry things are so hard for you at the moment. I know it can feel like your mum hates you when you have big arguments like this. Try to remember that she will be feeling hurt and upset too after the argument. This doesn’t mean she hates you. It just means she is feeling hurt and upset, the same as you are. I hope by now she has been able to talk with you about it and that things are easier for you all.
However, you are facing some difficult things as a family, especially with your mum’s boyfriend moving into your home. Is there anyone you could talk to outside of the family about how things are for you? Do you have an auntie or a school nurse or counsellor you could talk with and get some support from? You say your older sisters back you up but often it helps to talk with someone outside of the situation.
You could also go to a youth health centre in your area and see a counsellor there for free. Two places in Auckland are the Manukau Youth Centre phone 263 7340 or Auckland WAYS phone 837 4306. You could also ring Youthline for support on 376 6645. Good luck Kate. I hope things improve for you all.
Im a family of 6 and everyone blames all their problems on me. i ask them how its my fault and they just reply with the same answear(because we don't love you and we need someone to blame our problems on) i try and ignore all their comments but some of them just hurt to much and then i leave and come home after ma cerfew and end up getting arrested. i dont no how to tell them that im sick of having all their problems being blamed on me.help me please because im sick of being mistreated as something im not. mistreated
Dr G replies,
Dear Mistreated,
You sound as if you are in a really unhappy place and that everyone is against you.
I think it would be a good idea for you to talk to someone about all this. Is there a school counsellor you could talk to if you are still at school? Another option is to make an appointment to talk to a counsellor at 198 Youth Health Centre where the service is free and confidential and they have really understanding staff. Call 3794 800.
If it’s possible to use a phone at home you could talk to Youthline on 0800 37 66 33. I really think it is best to talk to someone in real time as it’s difficult to do so on a web site.
We all deserve the love and support of others. Sometimes we have to find this outside of our family. There are caring people in Christchurch who could help you sort things out if you make the move to see them.
how do i no if my family truly loves me. Danielle
Dr G replies,
Dear Danielle,
You usually just know. It’s how they treat you. They might never say “I love you,” and in some families it’s not usual to go in for hugs and kisses. However it’s shown by the way they do things for you like picking you up from school if it’s raining or fixing your bike or by making your favourite food and things like that. If you still feel like you need some help with this issue I think it would be a good idea to talk it through with some one.  Is there someone at school like the counsellor or can you go into 198 Youth Health Centre, or maybe call Youthline on 0800 37 66 33.
Hi my names dan Im 15 and 7 months old and have got two or three questions I would like help with.
(1) Im sure the curfew for young adults is 10.30pm. Can you be out at this age without parental consent?
(2) Can you feel and hold one anothers body at my age?
Or is this classed as sex? and
(3) I have my own bank account with money in my name. Can I use that money like to treat a friend or girl friend to a meal without parental consent? I suppose Im saying can I do what I want with money? Danny
Dr G replies Dear Danny,
1. Unless there is a specific court ordered curfew in place or someone is in care at a foster home situation, there is no general curfew. The police may stop and chat to young people out late at night to check that they are OK and not drunk or in danger.
2. It is perfectly OK to feel and hold another's body (with their consent of course) and that is not considered to be sex, at any age.
3. Money. Some parents like to be able to guide the spending of money until their children are a bit older - like 16 years, but really it’s up to the family. Sometimes young people find they need to have a firm conversation around their wish to spend their own money. Check it out with your parents or caregiver.
My dad is getting re-married after mum has died. But I hate his new girl. What should I do? Alice
Dr G replies,
Dear Alice,
What can you do?  Well, Alice, some of this will be affected by how long ago your Mum died and how able your Dad is to talk to you about these changes. At thirteen, I imagine that you will be feeling as though there if very little that you can do, and some of that is true.  You can’t change things that your Dad has decided, you are too young to leave home, but you can let your Dad know how you feel about it and talk to other people about it. Maybe your grand parents, aunty or a friend’s mum  can help you work through some of the issues. Counselling can help too  especially if you are still grieving for your mum. In Christchurch there is an excellent confidential  and free service at 198 Youth Health at 198 Hereford st. You can ring to make an appointment with a counsellor and you can take a friend with you (3794 800). Your feelings about your Dad’s new partner may change in time , hard though that may be to think of now.
I’m 14 and I want to get my belly button done but mum said when I move out of home I can do whatever I want but I want it done now. All my friends have theirs done. Dad doesn’t have a problem with it as long as I earn it. What can I say to mum to make her agree to it? Missy
Hi Missy,
Belly button piercing! Talk to your Dad about it, he may have some ideas on how to make her feel happier about it. If it doesn’t work, then you’re stuck. Leave the issue a while and then try again.
I have a problem with my parents fighting all the time. When my dad comes home drunk I can’t do anything because it scares me that they fight and shout in front of me. Do you know how to stop this? Talaia
Dr G replies
Hi Talaia, It can be really hard, and scary, to see this sort of thing happening with your parents. Sometimes it can feel like it’s our fault, which of course it’s not. Nor can we fix it for them. However, you can tell them how it affects you and ask them to stop fighting in front of you. Also I think it would be a good idea for you to talk to another adult about it as well. May be an older family member, school counsellor, or youth group leader.
My sister is pregnant 4 the second time and she has already had 1. She won't tell anyone - else apart from me and my boyfriend - not even my aunty who she lives with. What do i do? She's only 16 - Maci
Dr G replies:
Hi Maci, can see that you are concerned about your sister. This is a tricky situation. I suggest you try and talk to your sister and her boyfriend and let them know that you are worried. The sooner your sister talks to someone about the pregnancy the better. If she can't talk to your aunty may be she would talk to the school nurse, Youth Health Centre (if you are near one, like 198 in Christchurch ) or your local Family Planning or Doctor. The sooner your sister is open about the pregnancy, the more choices she has about what happens. So please try and talk to her and convince her to look after herself and to get help. I know this could be hard as she is older than you and may have sworn you to secrecy, but there is not much else you can do. Good luck, it's nice to hear from someone caring about a sister.
What do you do when you think your mum hates you? Wikitoria
Dr G replies:
Hi there, it's a bit hard to help much with so little detail. What makes you think your Mum hates you? Could you ask her if you have upset her about something? Most mothers love their children, just sometimes they may not like what their kids do. Or there could be something else going on for your Mum that she hasn't told you about. Get back to me if you want to share more details about your worry.
How can I get my folks to let me stay out later? Bryan
That's always a hard one. Progress comes from trust and negotiation. Show your parents you can be trusted by being where you say you will be and by coming home at the time they set. Hopefully this will lead to a change in the time you are expected home. Saying other parents let their kids out later does not usually work and could make it worse. Remember you are getting older all the time and your parents will slowly get used to the fact that you are growing up. Trust is the key.

Got more questions?

If you have a question that has not been answered, you can ask Dr G.