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Dr G's frequently asked questions: Bullying and teasing

Please note: The Pulse Te Auaha and Doctor G have previously referred readers to the 198 Youth Health Centre.

This service no longer operates, but 198 Youth Health Centre counsellors now work from Waipuna Trust, 349 Woodham Road, Christchurch.
Phone 386 2159 to make an appointment. They provide a youth support service.

Find more local youth health and social services from Webhealth Canterbury.

I’m going out with this guy. I love him to death and he loves me. We met through our mates as we share the same friends. Anyway our mates give us a hard time all the time about the two year age difference between me and him. It never used to bother me but now it does. I don't wanna lose what I’ve got with him over this but it sux listening to them mocking us all the time! What do I do?
Dr G replies,
This is a hard situation to be in, especially when you share friends. It can be difficult to balance friendships and special relationships at the best of times but this is a real challenge. I think you both need to tell your friends to butt out. Try and find things to do just the two of you as well as things with your friends and hope your mates will lose interest in hassling you.

What to do about it:

See our page on how to deal with uncool behaviour

Why does everyone tease me?
Dr G replies,
It’s hard to know unless you give me more information. One thing that can help is not to act like a victim and let them see that they can hurt you. They may just be having you on, joking and such and you could try flicking a comment or two back at them. Sometimes we can be super sensitive at 16 and we need to learn how to deal with it and not take it too seriously. The teasing can seem really mean sometimes but the person may not have meant it that way.

Support

supportConflict
Loneliness and Friendship
Anger, conflict, bulliying: what to do.
These are .pdf files from the Canterbury District Health Board.

I’m losing all my friends because of some rumour that has been going round school. It’s not fair because among my mates is my ex b/f of 4 years. We broke up 5 days ago because of the rumours. What do I do about them because I’m afraid I’m going to lose my mates as well. Please help me...
Dr G replies:
This is a really tough time for you. Rumours can be really destructive as I’m sure you’re experiencing. My first thought is that it could be helpful for you to get support from good friends who don’t believe these rumours or from a teacher or counsellor at school. The thing to remember is that rumours and those who spread them usually move on to someone else quickly, especially if the target plays it cool and doesn’t let others see the effect of the rumours. A good mate will ignore the rumours and be your friend.
Some people r being mean 2 me at school. None of the teachers care!!! what do I do?
Dr G replies:
I'm sorry to hear that you are having a tough time of it. Is it possible to talk to your parents about this? They may be able to help you talk to your teacher. Is your school nurse another person who would listen to your troubles? My experience is that it helps to talk to someone about problems and things do tend to get better over time. Youthline is a telephone service where trained people and listen and offer help. Phone Youthline on 0800 376 633.
I do hope things improve soon.
well ever since i logged on to msn this werid guy keeps trying 2 ring me nd stuf nd creapn da shit owta me nd tha othr dae he said tht if im nawt careful that he gna get me? Nicole, 17
Dr G replies,
Hi Nicole,
You sound scared by this man’s threats, and that’s understandable. I think you need to take action at once. Firstly please try and speak to your parents about it. They may be a bit grumpy about the fact that you gave out your phone number, but they will get over that and support you I’m sure. I think you also need to talk to the police about the threats and what you can do about it them. It may be that you need change your phone details. The Police will advise you.
You don’t have to put up with threats so please be brave and tell your parents and the police what is going on. Take care of yourself.
My sister is 12 years of age and she is really peeing me off. She is constantly teasing me because of my nose. The only option I can think of stopping me sister teasing me is that i should have a plastic surgery to fix my nose, but the thing is that I don't have a lot of money, and that's the only reason that's stopping me getting this surgery. What do you think?
Dr G replies:
No one enjoys being teased and being made fun of. It can really get you down. But thinking of having plastic surgery is a bit drastic, not to mention expensive. We all have things we would like to change about the way we look but most of us learn to live with it. Concentrate on the things you do like about the way you look and the more important things like your personality. Talk to your parents about how your sister's behaviour is affecting you and see if they can help. Often people who tease others have no idea of the pain they are causing. Also they often stop when you stop reacting to the teasing. It may help to go and talk with a counsellor at 198 Youth Health Centre, 198 Hereford Street about the way you are feeling. Hope this helps. Get back to me if you need to.

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